Tag Archives: human experience

An Unusual Holiday Magic Experience

Sometimes you find the holiday spirit and sometimes the holiday spirit finds you!

I had to be out of my mind, going to the evil empire (aka Walmart) the day before Thanksgiving, but I needed a few staple items to complete my contribution to the small feast being hosted by my sister. The store was a fifteen-minute drive from my home, not counting the pre-holiday afternoon traffic, and my list was a short one. How bad could it be?

AI image generated by ImageFX with inputs from Michael G. D’Aversa

Yeah, it could be pretty bad. Still, not everything was as bad as it should have been, or even as bad as it usually is. For example. the afternoon traffic in my hometown of 45,000 or so people begins to get slow and heavy after 2:00 PM, just about the time I was heading out, but my fifteen-minute drive took… fifteen minutes, if that much. The traffic was there, but it was moving smoothly, the traffic lights all seemed to be in my favor as I rolled along, and everything just seemed to flow.

As I turned in to the immense Walmart parking lot, I saw exactly what I expected to see, namely cars everywhere and drivers behaving badly. After observing a near-accident between two vehicles vying for the same few square feet of intersection at the same time, I turned into my usual lane and saw nothing ahead of me, except for a white SUV backing out of its space, thus providing me with the only parking spot to be found on that drive lane. I smiled in disbelief and pulled into my freshly vacated space. Assuming that there might be a shortage of shopping carts inside, I selected a usable cart with four fully functioning wheels from a nearby corral and walked on into the store, oddly enough, still smiling.

To put it nicely, the store was filled with humanity. Last-minute shoppers, like me, filled every aisle. They competed with numerous employees pushing pick carts and pulling orders. Nobody seemed to be smiling. I realized that I was still smiling, partly because I was only there to grab a few missing staples, but also because I was just enjoying my afternoon, despite being surrounded by negativity, frustration, resignation, and anger. Trust me, you could see it on their faces.

Some of them looked positively insulted to be there — or rather, that anybody else had the nerve to be there when they were trying to get their all-important shopping done. Some looked alarmed at the prices. Most looked rushed. I came across one lady carefully looking over a rack of almost-expired baked goods, hoping against hope to find something special with which to grace her holiday table. I was moved by the sight. I saw one most interesting couple, a determined and angry husband grabbing this and that item from the shelves while his wife followed a good couple of yards behind him, her face filled with resignation. I smiled at her, but she didn’t even see me.

In the midst of it all, one person did see me. A middle-aged employee, apparently of South Asian origin, brought her order picking cart to a sudden halt in order to avoid blocking me as I came around a blind corner with my shopping cart. She lowered her head, probably expecting me to be scowling at her for almost getting in my way, but she glanced up just in time see me nod and smile at her. The employee’s eyes brightened and she smiled back at me as we each continued along our intended path.

Surely the worst was yet to come. Wouldn’t you think so? But as interesting as my visit had been so far, this next part seems almost surreal in hindsight.

As I emerged from the shopping aisles and made my way toward the checkout lanes, much to my amazement, there was no queue! That is, the waiting lane, lined with all manner of candy bars and other impulse items, had nobody standing in it. Up at the front, where there is usually an employee directing each shopper to the next available self-checkout station, stood nobody. I walked right into the checkout area and, not being much for doing self-checkout if I can help it, I looked over and spotted a human-staffed checkout lane about to be vacated and completely open. On a Wednesday afternoon, the day before Thanksgiving, with so many people crowding each and every aisle behind me? What are the odds!

AI image generated by ImageFX with inputs from Michael G. D’Aversa

The lane I had chosen was being manned by a thin, elderly gentleman with pure white hair and a ruddy complexion made more apparent by the red elf’s cap he was wearing. He looked up and smiled at me as I approached, seeming genuinely glad to be there waiting for me. Again, what are the odds? I returned his smile as I arrived at his station. “Good afternoon,” I said to the man as I began to empty my cart.

“Yes, it is a good afternoon,” he replied. At this point, I almost spun out of my shoes to look at him and I began to seriously wonder if there was a hidden camera somewhere. But no, the gaunt old gent proceeded to check me out without incident.

A rather dour-looking individual with a very full shopping cart had pulled in behind me, almost but not quite patiently waiting his turn as he inched ever closer into my personal space. I paid the poor soul no heed, as I had been thoroughly occupied enjoying my interaction with my cheerful checkout clerk, who then announced my total, processed my electronic payment, and cheerfully handed me my receipt. We eagerly bade each other a good afternoon and a happy Thanksgiving as I loaded my cart and headed out.

I tell you, nothing went as expected. As I approached the store exit, receipt in hand, the security specialist looked at me from a slight distance, smiled and waved me on toward the door. I looked at her again as I drew closer, wanting to give her a second chance to verify my purchases, but again she waved me on calling out, “You have a nice afternoon!” Wow.

Photo by Michael G. D’Aversa

And so it went. My drive home was as uneventful as my drive out, our Thanksgiving meal went off without a hitch, and the holiday season is now underway. And through it all, I keep thinking about that little old man and the oh-so-pleasant exchange we’d shared amidst the chaos. The whole thing seemed planned somehow.

Most years, especially since I have grown older, I struggle to get into the holiday spirit, often finding it just in time for Christmas Day. But not this year. For me, the magic started in the most unlikely of places. I hope the magic finds you, too.

As always, thanks for hanging with me.

Let’s Talk: A New Year’s Resolution

I dislike being made to feel alone in a crowded room. I’m guessing you know what I’m talking about. You find yourself in a place, surrounded by other people, none of whom acknowledge your presence or that of anybody else, except maybe the people with whom they arrived. The ones who come in alone tend to quickly occupy themselves with a mobile device, a book, or the backs of their hands, anything to prevent them from giving some indication that there is anyone else in the room. Not everybody is this way and not every place, either. The traditional barbershops, for example, at least the ones I frequent, still seem capable of supporting a casual chatter among the occupants and the barbers. I enjoy that.

I recently read an interesting article in Fast Company magazine called “How smartphones wrecked bar drinking,” written by Clare Coffey. The author pretty much describes the same scenario I just gave you, taking place in an environment that at least used to be not unlike traditional barbershops in terms of being places where humans tend to interact, whether they know each other or not. She describes, “a row of barstools filled with people downing their beers and hunched over their hands, scrolling their feeds, never taking an eye off their screens.” But it’s not just happening in bars. One can witness this behavior firsthand almost anywhere. Just take a moment and look up from your phone; you’ll see it.

Now mind you, over the past decade or so, I have evolved into one of these people I have been describing, i.e. eyes down and nose to phone whenever I was among people I didn’t know. Hell, I even did it at home, surrounded by people I do know. I acknowledge having developed this behavior expressly because I am not terribly proud of it. The more I learned about the negative effects of this behavior, the more I desired to turn it around.

So I recently began an experiment, even before having read the Fast Company article, while out and about in public places. I began to engage people, sometimes verbally and other times with a friendly smile, nod, or wave. I just wanted to see if there were other people out there who, like me, longed for human contact. For me, this engaging activity was nothing new. In fact, it’s something rather old. I watched my parents and grandparents do it all the time when I was a kid. It was common courtesy back then to greet people whom you passed while walking down the street, entering a place of business, etc. In fact, back in the 1960’s and ’70’s, a person would stand out by not doing so.

What did I learn? In short order, I discovered that a number of people, especially older adults and really young children, acted as though they had been waiting for someone to acknowledge their presence. My assumption is that the older folks missed the human engagement that was once commonplace and the little kids simply hadn’t yet learned to ignore people.

For example, there is a healthcare facility that my wife visits with some frequency. Like nearly every other healthcare facility I have visited, the waiting room tends to be populated but quiet. You guessed it, a roomful of people staring at their phones, doing paperwork, whatever, but not acknowledging one another. One time, just for grins, I verbally greeted the front desk staff as I walked through the doorway. They naturally lit up and acknowledged me back. I can’t be 100% certain, but I think a few people might have glanced away from their screens just long enough to notice the anomaly.

There is an older gentleman, even older than me, who brings his wife in and proceeds to work some sort of puzzles, perhaps crosswords, while he waits. He carries with him a raft of papers, a large clipboard, and one or more writing instruments. I found him interesting. The next time I saw the gentleman, I greeted him as he approached a corner chair, carrying his paraphernalia. He clearly wasn’t expecting that, but he looked up, smiled, and returned my greeting. When I left, bid him a good day and again, he returned the courtesy.

See how easy this is?

Right before the holidays, I was sitting in the same waiting room, only it was deserted. That’s right, even the front desk had been vacated for the day. My wife had already been taken in back and I was sitting in the waiting room, alone, reading a book. Another patron walked in and stood at the front desk, looking about for a staff member, but not looking at me or even in my direction. I waited for a moment, to see whether anyone would come out from the back area, and when nobody did so, I spoke aloud to the man, piercing the silence with my voice.

“Hi. There’s nobody working the front desk tonight, but I’m sure somebody will be out in a moment.”

Startled by the fact that someone in the waiting room was speaking to him, the gentleman turned toward me and nodded. At the same instant, perhaps having been summoned by my voice, a staff member came out from the back area and escorted the gentleman in. The story might have ended there, but it didn’t.

On our way out of the building, the same man walked up to my wife and me, smiling, and asked me a riddle. I no longer recall the question or the punchline, but it left my wife and I laughing out loud. The man smiled and asked another riddle. This time all three of us were chuckling and we wished one another a happy New Year as we parted ways. Thirty minutes earlier, that man didn’t even look at me. Now he was making a deliberate effort, in a different part of the building, to share a couple of jokes with me. I knew I was onto something.

As we begin another brand-new year, I have resolved to become more human again. I want to spend less time staring into the blue light abyss of my various screens and spend more time talking to people and listening to what they have to say. I know that some will withdraw in fear and suspicion, but others will respond favorably, maybe even gratefully. I want to do this because I already know that I will be better off for having done so. And maybe, just maybe, those I encounter will find themselves better off as well.

If nothing else, I may learn a new joke now and then. As always, thanks for hanging with me.

I’m a Spiritual Being Living Out a Human Experience

Those of you who have visited the Crazy Horse Memorial and watched the video presentation that they show in the visitors center will immediately get why I chose Crazy Horse as my backdrop for this post. But for the benefit of those who have not yet been, I offer this brief explanation. In the video of which I speak is a gentleman who expresses his appreciation for the concept of being a spiritual being living out a human experience. I may be paraphrasing, but the point is that I share in his appreciation. I would love to give credit where credit is due, but the concept (and quotes thereof) has been attributed to more than one philosopher and used by several motivational writers/speakers, including a favorite of mine, the late Dr. Stephen Covey. So if nothing else, I find myself in pretty good company as I attempt to share a few words of my own on the subject.

I must point out that I have never written about this before—indeed I’ve only even discussed it with a select few whom I deem closest to me—so forgive me if this post comes across as sparse, disjointed, or utter nonsense. I’ll be the first to agree with you. So with that out of the way, and if you’re still reading, pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, smoke’em if you gott’em, and let’s talk.

At face value, I’m considered a “cradle Catholic” in that I was born into the Church and am still an active member. In-between, however, lies a substantial gap of some years, during which I wandered in the desert and denied many things, including my Catholic identity. This post isn’t about all that. It’s not about religion at all, really. I only bring this up because even during that period of years, I never stopped being spiritual. I’m not even sure what that means, yet I know it to be true,with certainty.

Philosophically, I subscribe to the notion of the whole person being comprised of body, mind and spirit. If I deny any of the three, I deny a part of myself. And I am obligated to feed, nurture and develop all three in order to live fully. Believe it or not, the component with which I struggle most is the mind. Why? Because it cannot stand alone. A chemical imbalance within the body can and will cause the mind to falter. Yet an unbalanced mind can also destroy the body, either directly or indirectly. Sometimes I wonder if the mind, as we understand it, is nothing more than the intersection of body and spirit. That to me makes sense.

But what of the spirit? And what the hell is it, anyway? Yeah, I knew we would end up here sooner or later. Bear in mind, I am neither an expert nor a scholar in this matter. I can only speak from my experience, which has shaped my paradigm. My sense of things is that of the three components that make up the whole person—body, mind and spirit—the spirit is either the largest or the least contained. Surely one’s spirit can be lost or broken, but it can also stand alone. Without bringing religion into it, I can’t really get into the concept of the spirit pre-existing (or surviving) the physical person’s existence, so I won’t go there. I will say, however, that I have seen things and experienced things that have shaped my personal belief system, or B.S.for short.

Yes, I am a spiritual being living out a human experience. I like that concept. It seems to fit. If you were expecting tales of the supernatural, well, that’s not really what this is about. Besides, you gotta’ walk before you can run. Thanks for hanging with me.